The power of a warm welcome

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She made it easier for me to come back

Have you ever talked yourself out of going somewhere new?

Many of us will know the familiar feeling of uncertainty when we’re about to try something new. The swirl in our tummy, the fuzzy thoughts racing through our mind, the sweaty palms, the big deep breath before we enter the room, the fear of awkward conversation, or not knowing anyone… it’s something we all feel in different ways; a collective symptom of being a social human being.

We often hear a shared sentiment like this from community members who are attending a new gathering in the Befriend Social Network;

I was really nervous at first. But I needn’t have worried; I was welcomed in by everyone ~ Sacha, community member and Host of Walk and Talk in Armadale

When we began to learn more about what the ‘welcome’ actually looks like and the difference it makes for people turning up for the first time, we find that the detail is often in the small gestures. It’s one or two people making it easier to show up again.

She made it easier for me to come back.

There’s something really powerful yet simple about these words as they remind us that the possibility of connection really begins when we feel welcome enough to keep coming back.

Small invitations can make a big difference

Over the course of a two-year project in partnership with the Department of Fire and Emergency Services, our community building team explored how everyday relationships help people navigate life’s challenges, and how these connections contribute to greater community resilience. Subsequently, we produced a report called Hidden Lifelines outlining our findings and the stories we gathered in greater detail.

One of the key things we learnt was that meaningful relationships often grow through small acts of invitation and inclusion, one small gesture at a time. Through listening to people’s stories of community life and spirit, we learned that ‘feeling welcomed’ can look like a lot of things:

It’s the person who remembers your name
The neighbour who stops for a chat
The group member who saves you a seat, introduces you to someone new, helps you learn part of the activity, or checks whether you’ll be coming along next week
The barista at the coffee shop who remembers the last conversation you had and asks a curious question

These moments might seem small, but they can help someone move from feeling like an outsider to feeling like they belong. And when we feel we belong, we’re much more likely to keep showing up. And when we show up, over time, familiar faces can become friends, and friends can become the very people we turn to when life gets difficult.

What does this have to do with resilience?

When we think about resilience, we might picture being “mentally tough”, having a big plan so we feel prepared, or having a flexible, rubber-like quality of being able to “bounce-back” that people sometimes refer to.

Maybe some of that is true. But what we’ve found through this work is that resilience is also found in the relationships we build long before anything goes wrong.

Getting through life’s unexpected difficulties, be that a bushfire, grief, poor health, the end of a relationship, moving home, financial strain, becoming a parent – is made significantly easier when we have people around. When we know there are people who will notice that we’re struggling, who will listen when we need to talk, who will offer us a lift when the car breaks down, who will keep us company whilst we recover from an operation.

These relationships don’t appear overnight. They’re nurtured through time, through everyday interactions, shared experiences and the small ways we make space for one another.

Every time we invite someone in, make them feel welcome or help them feel comfortable enough to return, we’re contributing to the possibility that that individual might form a meaningful connection, which in turn, might become someone they can rely on when they need it.

Embedded within all the communities we’re part of, we’re sowing seeds for resilience to grow, without necessarily calling it that.

Who could you make it easier for?

You don’t need to start a new group, become everyone’s best friend, or go too far out of your way to be a welcoming presence for someone. You can begin with the people and places already around you.

In chatting with community members from all walks of life about what resilience looks like for them, we heard about some really simple gestures that made a big difference for them.

Reducing barriers for people so everyone can be involved

The students suggested going out for coffee together, but some people could not afford that. They said, “Why don’t we just have coffee or tea here?” because the place where we meet has a kitchen. That meant everybody could participate and give input into making a community.

Help someone in your group learn something new

The first time I went to ukulele, I had never played and did not know anything. One of the women pulled me aside and showed me four notes. She made it easier for me to come back. It did not matter that I could not play yet. I could still belong.

Reach out to someone who hasn’t been around lately

Lylla stopped coming because she suffers from depression very bad. We visited her and invited her back.

Be curious about the little details

As soon as someone comes [to the window of the cafe we own], we ask, “How are you? How has your day been? What’s your name? Who are you?” That sort of thing. We want to get to know them in that short window when we see them. A big part of our approach is remembering the small details and names and making sure people feel seen

And if you’re the person who’s new, remember that coming back is an act of resilience, too. You don’t have to feel completely comfortable straight away, but, perhaps you need to trust in the idea that all friends start off as strangers who were brave enough to come back again and again.

Take a moment to think about your own village: the friends, neighbours, workmates, parents at school pick-up, local business owners and people in the groups you belong to.

Who helps you feel welcome?

Who might you check in on?

What’s something – one thing – you could do in your social group to help someone new find their way in?

We may never fully know the ripple effects of small, welcoming gestures, but, from our work across this project, we do know that when life gets hard, the people who help us through it are often the people we’ve been connecting with all along.

With thanks to the Department of Fire and Emergency Services for their support in bringing this project to life. Please note that some names have been changed to protect the privacy of community members who participated in the research.